I’ll be the first to admit that before having Hollings and William, I used to silently judge moms all the time. Kid screaming their head off in the grocery store? The mother clearly can’t parent her child. Kid eats only frozen chicken nuggets and mac & cheese, and refuses to eat the asparagus that the rest of us are eating? The mom just didn’t push veggies enough when the child was younger. Kid has spent the entire dinner at the restaurant on their parent’s phone watching videos or playing games? The mom is lazy and would rather her child just sit on the phone and be happy than have to entertain them the whole time.

You guys. Being a mom is HARD. In a moment, you go from having a life that is completely your own, to having to sacrifice EVERYTHING for your child. This is a job that is quite literally never ending. You don’t ever clock out. There’s no getting off at 5:00 to go have drinks with your friends. There’s no “ehhh I don’t have any breakfast food, so I guess I’ll just wait until lunch to eat today.” That trick doesn’t work for the 1 year old who gets up at 7am and can’t wait until lunch to eat. There’s no “Wow, I just spent 3 hours in the car driving home from vacation, so I’m going to just kick my feet up when we get to the house and sit on my phone.” Your child that just sat through the 3 hour car ride needs to have a diaper change, a water refill, a meal, etc immediately. Taking care of yourself takes a backseat.

Don’t get me wrong, being a mom is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I truly believe that it is the most important and most rewarding job in the world. I have had some really amazing mom days, when I feel like I am on cloud 9 and was born for this role. I have also had days when I’ve felt like I’ve looked forward to bed time all day, because nothing has gone right, and for some reason or another, my daughter’s temperament has been less than angelic. Having both is totally normal, and it’s okay to have those days when you can’t wait to put your child down for a nap so that you can, I don’t know, have an uninterrupted shower for once?

If you’re not yet a mom, I want you to go ahead and throw any and all expectations you have about motherhood out the window. It’s just one of those things that you really can’t fully prepare yourself for. You just have to live it. Believe me, I was absolutely that person who would look at children pushing around their veggies on the plate and think, “Wow, mark my words, my child will NOT be picky.” Well guess what, about 6 months ago, Hollings’ went through a picky phase. Luckily that’s just what it was – a phase. You don’t know if that child that you’re looking at while silently judging the mom is going through a phase or not. Typically children don’t make it to adulthood hating every single vegetable, and if they do, that’s their choice at that point.

If you follow me on instagram, you know that I share a lot of my personal life on my stories. I can usually set a timer on my phone for 5 minutes after a post something that has to do with parenting before someone feels the need to send me a message about what I am doing wrong. I seriously think sometimes I wear a sign on my forehead that says, “Please give me your opinion that I did not ask for.” I will say, I think that a lot of the time it is someone trying to be helpful, and comes from a good place. There are times however when it is someone trying to “out-mom” me or belittle me.

Everyone just take a deep breath and read what I’m about to say carefully. STOP WITH THE JUDGEMENT. Sometimes with a never ending job such as motherhood, you just have to pick your battles. Some days you’re thriving and others you’re surviving. That kid who is having a meltdown in the grocery store? Maybe that kid is typically is an angel, but skipped a nap that day, and that mom just wants to get what she needs at the store and get out to put them to bed. That kid pushing around the asparagus and only eating mac & cheese? Maybe that kid LOVES all other veggies, so the mom gave them a pass on not liking asparagus. That kid sitting on their iPhone the entire time the family is at the restaurant? Maybe they had spent the entire day playing at the park and the mom wanted just one 45 minute meal enjoying her spouse’s company instead of chasing the kid around the restaurant.

I think it’s pretty obvious what my point is here, but I’m going to make it clear anyway. What you see in that first 15 seconds when you decide to judge that mom is not the full story or situation. It’s not even close.

There are a trillion different ways to raise children. No two children were raised exactly 100% the same way, not even siblings, and most of us make it to functioning adulthood. You’re not going to agree with every way someone is choosing to raise their children, and guess what. They won’t agree with every way you’re raising yours either. So let’s just all agree to check ourselves and our judgements, to give each other grace, and to focus on ourselves.