About a month or so ago, I was asked on instagram to get on my stories and talk about having support when raising kids. I have so much to say about that, I decided to dedicate a whole blog post to it.

For those of you who don’t know me personally, I got pregnant with my first child, my daughter Hollings, when I was a senior in college. I was 21. Luckily, I had just gotten engaged to my now husband right before getting pregnant, but it was still scary having to tell our families, friends, and the rest of the world. I was so scared about being the pregnant girl on campus. I knew I would be judged. I knew that people would think the only reason we got engaged was because we were pregnant. The whole thought of it gave me so much anxiety.

I won’t go into detail about telling Jay, our friends, and our families, because I have a very detailed blog post on this already. I will say that I told my mom before I told Jay, because she already knew my concerns about not feeling well and missing my period. I didn’t want to worry Jay with that stuff unless I knew for sure I was pregnant, because why scare him before I need to?

I’m not going to lie, when I first found out I was pregnant, it was definitely not butterflies and rainbows right away. I was really scared. I did not feel prepared, but I knew I was going to have the baby. I already knew that I was going to spend the rest of my life with Jay, and that he was the man I would have babies with eventually. This was just sooner than either of us wanted or expected.

When I told my mom I was pregnant, I was in Columbia, SC and she was 2 and a half hours away in Beaufort, SC. She immediately got in her car and drove to me. She made what started out as a terrifying, anxiety filled day into a great one that I’ll never forget. She handled scheduling me an appointment with an OBGYN the next day in Spartanburg (where my college is). Afterwards she took me out to a fancy dinner downtown to celebrate. Then we spent the rest of the night playing old gender guessing games. She finally snuck out before Jay got home from a late work night. By the time she left, I felt calm, happy, and even like everything was working out the way it was supposed to.

Telling my friends was just as calming to my anxieties. Every single one of our friends we told responded with, “Congratulations!” or “That’s awesome!” Everyone was so excited for us. No one ever responded with anything like “oh no…” or “what are you going to do?” All of our friends just acted like it was exciting yet normal news, which made me feel less awkward about the whole thing.

When I was in labor with Hollings, my parents and siblings came to be with us, along with Jay’s entire family (I’m talking both sets of his grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.). Everyone was so excited for us, which was such a positive way to start parenthood.

Even though we were living in Durham, NC while all of our family members were in South Carolina, it didn’t stop them for helping any chance they could. I’m not going to lie though, not having help at my finger tips if I were to need it was very difficult at times. Jay is in law school at Duke, and it is extremely time demanding. He really couldn’t help out with Hollings a ton during his first year. He of course would try to any time he could, but he was just so incredibly busy with school. I took care of Hollings almost always with very little breaks. It is a 24/7 job. Self care was allowing myself 15 minutes to shower or make a sandwich.

Whenever our parents or other family members did come, it was like a mini vacation for me. Jay and I would go out to dinner alone, we got to sleep in while someone else got up in the morning with Hollings, I never had to cook. Having that support, even if just for a few days, so that I could regroup and refresh was so important, and something I promise I did not take for granted.

The same goes for whenever we visit family out of town. People always offered to watch Hollings, wake up with her in the morning, feed us, and more. I think parents understand how truly exhausting and never ending raising small children is, and so they know how much the help is appreciated when we can get it.

Fast forward 2.5 years, and we now have our second baby, William, who is 2 months old. We also now live in Beaufort, SC, and our house is just 15 minutes away from my parents’ house. When we first moved here, I would sometimes feel guilty about how much my parents would help me by watching Hollings, holding William while I ate first and they would eat second, etc. People would make comments about how much time Hollings spends at my parents house and it made me feel like a bad mom. After a lot of thought, I realized that we will (most likely) never have the opportunity to live near my parents ever again. This is the most they will ever be able to help me, so I should just allow them to and not feel guilty about it. They love spending time with Hollings, and Hollings loves spending time with them. I also never ask for the help – they ALWAYS offer, and I have learned to accept it without feeling bad about it.

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While I have always felt support from friends and family, there have absolutely been times when I haven’t felt support from people on the outside looking in. I got pregnant with Hollings when I was 21, which is definitely a young age to be expecting your first child. I get why people who don’t know me might have judged me, and even expected me to fail. What a lot of people don’t realize is that for as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to be a mom. Being a mom is and always has been my dream job. In fact, the plan always was to get pregnant during Jay’s last semester of law school (aka right now), which means i would have been pregnant with my first child at 24. That is also young to be a mom, and honestly not too far off track in the grand scheme of things.

Still, it hurts when my mom gets questions from concerned acquaintances inquiring on just how is Leigh as a mom? How is she handling being a mom. My mom responds the same way every time. “Leigh is the BEST mom in the world.” So while I don’t always feel support from the outside, I know that those close to me always have my back, which gives me such confidence when raising my children.

Again, I want to express how grateful I am to have the support that I have, both when it comes to physical help with my children, but also the encouragement that I have felt from loved ones along the way. I know that not everyone is so lucky, and I promise you that I do not take it for granted. In fact, the reason why I was so eager to write this blog post when someone asked me to is because I hope that I can reach anyone who has grandchildren or who will have them one day. Take it from me, the help is so greatly appreciated. Offer to help your children with their kids. Offer to give them breaks. Let them know every now and then that they are doing a great job and that you’re proud of them. I will absolutely be paying it forward one day to Hollings and William.