Back in November, I went to my instagram story and asked my followers to submit questions for me to answer. I gave no topic limit and told them nothing was off the table. I said I was going to pick 10 to answer in depth in a blog post. I purposefully picked a mix of serious questions, as well as some more light hearted ones. I chose the ones I chose for multiple reasons. Some I chose because they got asked more than once, some because I thought it would be something my readers would be interesting in knowing more about, and some because I just liked the questions. I really enjoyed working on this blog post, and I hope that you all enjoy reading it just as much. Maybe you even learn a few things about me that you didn’t know before!
How do you stay confident (before and after baby)?
This question was asked multiple times in different ways. Some people were also curious as to if there’s anything I am self conscious about. I feel like I could go on and on about this, and I will definitely go into detail, but I am also going to try not to write a novel.
I’m going to be honest and say that growing up, I probably had more confidence than the average adolescent girl. I give all of the credit there to my mom. She did not go a day without making me feel smart, beautiful, kind, and talented. She is still my biggest hype woman. Home girl had me thinking I was going to grow up to be some famous superstar (lol), and the thing is, she probably really believed that, too! Now that I am a mom myself, I get that she really must have thought all of those things, because I think those things about Hollings and William! Because of the confidence my mom instilled in me, I want to make my children feel just as amazing. I don’t ever want them to question their self worth, so I make a point of being really vocal and intentional with the compliments that I give them. It doesn’t just stop with my kids, though – I try to do the same with Jay! If you really love and care about the people in your life, you want them to feel it! You don’t ever want them questioning that.
For some reason, it has always been really easy for me to accept that not everyone is going to like me, support me, agree with me, invite me to every single hang out, etc. I feel like the earlier you realize that, the happier and more confident you’ll be. That doesn’t mean that you need to have an “I don’t give a crap” attitude. I still try my best to be kind to everyone in hopes that they will like me, but I just know that all I can do is try my best. If I rub someone the wrong way for whatever reason, there might just not be anything I can do about it.
Right now, the thing that I’m most self conscious about is my age. I feel like when I was pregnant with Hollings, a lot of people doubted that I could really be a great mom, because of the fact I got pregnant at 21. Now I am 25 and have two beautiful children. While I know that seems young, it’s really not that far off from what Jay and I planned all along. Our plan was always to get married the summer after I graduated, and to get pregnant during the second semester of his third year of law school (which we are currently in). So even if we had not been blessed with Hollings by surprise, we still would have been married and pregnant (or trying to get pregnant) right now.
Still, I can see the wheels turning in people’s heads when I they ask how old I am or what year I graduated from Wofford. Sometimes they will then hit me with a “Wow! You’re so young!” Or a “So wait, how old were you when you had Hollings?” I actually prefer these questions, because it gives me a chance to talk about the situation instead of letting them go on assuming whatever they are going to assume. Sometime though, I find myself word vomiting my entire story, because I just want to get all of the assumptions off the table. I feel like because of my age, I am constantly having to prove to people how well I’m doing, how much I love being a mom, and how I can handle it all (even on days when I am struggling).
As far as staying confident in my appearance, I am a big advocate in just doing whatever makes you feel good and not apologizing to anyone for it! If wearing make up makes you feel happier about yourself, wear make up! If you think you look better with your hair in a ponytail than down, throw it up! I know by now that I feel much more confident when I like my outfit. I know that sounds funny and maybe a little dumb to some, but if I am going somewhere and don’t really like what I’m wearing that much or feel like I’m underdressed, I feel like I get much more shy and reserved once I’m out. Some people are just the opposite. Some people get self-conscious getting dressed up, and would much prefer putting on leggings and a cotton shirt. I say just do what is going to make you feel good and don’t worry about what anyone else says about it!
What are your thoughts on breakfast for dinner?
This questions makes me laugh, because believe it or not, I have gotten it multiple times in the past and have never answered it. I figured I might as well answer it here.
I feel like people have very strong opinions about breakfast for dinner and just breakfast in general! Let me tell you guys, I don’t even typically like breakfast for breakfast. I don’t like cereal. I don’t like toast. I wake up in the morning wanting sushi or pasta. I do enjoy brunch, but more for the event of it (and the Bloody Marys). My ideal breakfast is shrimp and grits or a crab cake eggs benedict. What can I say, I’m just a simple girl ;).
By this point, you guys will probably think I’m weirdly obsessed with my mom, but I mean the woman did raise me! I do think the reason I’m not a breakfast person is because my mom isn’t a breakfast person. My mom never once made breakfast for dinner. Literally not one time in my entire time growing up. I also typically don’t have a sweet tooth, and sometime breakfast can be on the sweeter side.
ALL OF THAT BEING SAID I would be lying if I never said that on a lazy night when I don’t feel like cooking or don’t have anything to make that I haven’t made breakfast for dinner. When I do make it though, I don’t ever just scramble some eggs and say “Okay fam, here ya go.” I always try to do it up. On the rare occasion that I do make breakfast for dinner, it will be huevos rancheros, a casserole, tortilla espanola (which in Spain is not even breakfast food, but the main ingredient happens to be eggs) and I always always will serve with a side of bacon or grits (often both).
How do you guys manage finances both being unemployed?
This is another question that I get all the time, both on instagram and in person. I am actually not going to go into this one in detail, because if there’s one thing my mom taught me growing up (yes I am talking about my mom again), it’s that talking about money is tacky!
I will say that what people forget a lot of the time is that while I went straight from being a college student to being a stay at home mom, Jay worked for two years and saved money in-between undergrad and law school. Now he has scholarships and loans. He also works for law firms over the summers and gets paid for that. On top of that, we budget! We eat at home A LOT, we don’t go on vacation, and we rarely buy things for ourselves. We also come from two very supportive families who always go above and beyond to help us. And that is that on that 🙂
Do you remember what you did in your free time before you had Hollings?
I feel moms are forever saying things like “I don’t even know what I did before I was a mom! Like what did I do all day??” Well let me just say that I cannot relate. Up until two months before Hollings was born, I was still working on graduating with an accounting degree from college. On top of that, unlike a lot of my friends who were in classes like art and photography during their senior year spring semesters, I was still taking 4 core accounting classes (and one Spanish class for my Spanish major) during my last semester of college. If I wasn’t doing school work, I was spending time with my friends or with Jay. I was never bored or idle. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I was bored since high school. I honestly mean that.
Now that I am a mom, I am still never “bored.” I feel like older moms are always sending me things like “If you’re ever bored…” and I’m sitting over here like “Bored? Never heard of her.” I am either cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, or taking care of my children. If I have all of my chores done, then I am spending time with my kids and doing fun things with them. If the kids are napping or asleep, and I have cleaned up everything and all of the laundry is done (so very rare), then I read. That, I can assure you is never boring, but heaven, because I hardly ever get to do it.
Who takes your instagram pictures?
People ask this one all the time! Most of the time it’s Jay. He has become quite good at it over the years. Now that we are in Beaufort, my mom will take a lot of them too, especially if I want Jay in it. I try to take most of my pictures when I am already out doing things, so I’m usually with people who can take them for me. On the rare occasion that I don’t have anyone to take the picture, I will use the self timer photo feature. I really don’t like doing this though, especially in public, because people always stare, and the pictures never turn out as good.
How do you do it all so graciously and opportunistically?
To the person who asked this, first of all, thank you! Second of all, I know sometimes “opportunistic” can have a negative connotation, but I’m going to take it as a compliment here since it was with graciously. Third of all, I don’t feel like this is true all of the time.
I am generally a pretty positive, glass half full, kind of person, which I think helps me be gracious. Since I am a stay at home mom, I consider it my job. While it’s the best job in the world, it is still for sure a job. I think when you look at it this way, it helps you keep a gracious attitude. All of the sudden doing the dishes (which I promise I still 100% don’t enjoy doing) seem less like a chore that’s getting in the way of something else you could be doing, and more just like part of your daily job. Whenever I’m annoyed about having to spend 30 minutes while Hollings naps picking up her toys, I stop and think, “Well all of my friends are at work right now – this is just my work.” Having this mindset truly helps my mood. Still, I totally have my moments when all I want to do is sit on the couch all day and not “mom,” but I know those days will come one day and all I will want is to go back to a time when I had tiny children running around my house making a mess.
How do you and Jay keep your relationship a priority?
It’s really hard to find time for just me and Jay between taking care of our kids and Jay’s law school load. That being said, we are good about spending time with each other when the kids go to bed. Hollings has an early bedtime (7:30) and Jay and I will typically get in bed right after that (unless he has work to do). There have been many busy times with law school stuff when Jay would go weeks without going to bed with me. That’s always tough, and definitely puts a damper on our relationship. Again, I just try to remind myself that life is full of seasons, and this just happens to be a busy one.
Also, as I mentioned above, Jay and I are vocal with our affection towards one another. We tell each other that we love each other everyday, multiple times a day. We say thank you often. We give compliments. It keeps our relationship a happy and loving one, and we genuinely enjoy being around each other, which makes it easy to prioritize our relationship.
Did you find it hard dealing with your pregnant/postpartum body?
This is another question that got asked a lot. There was also a question specifically about stretch marks/if I had them, which I feel goes with this one. I do have stretch marks, but not on my stomach. They are all on my boobs, butt, and thighs, but they are so faint now, you can hardly see them (on top of being in places that no one sees anyway), so they don’t really bother me. I feel like they will just continue to fade over time.
When it came to dealing with my pregnant body, I LOVED it. I am one of those crazy people who loves being pregnant and embraces the curves. I loved having a baby bump both times. I think it is so beautiful that our bodies can grow an entire human.
As far as dealing with my postpartum body goes, it’s a little harder. I have my good moments and my not so great moments, but overall I still feel confident in my own body. After having gone through this with Hollings, I know that it takes time to really feel like you’re “back to yourself,” but that I WILL eventually get there. Right now, I’m just trying to eat healthy, move my body, but give myself a lot of grace. If I want a cookie, I eat a cookie 🙂
What were you most worried about for baby #2?
I was SO worried about Hollings adjusting. I was terrified that she would be jealous or hate having to share me with someone. I was so wrong to be worried about that. Hollings absolutely adores William. If anything, it’s just helped her become more independent of me.
What I was not prepared for was how much I would grieve the stage of having Hollings as my only child. The first 2 weeks when we came home from the hospital were really tough. I felt so guilty that I had another child to take care of and I really missed my one on one time with Hollings. Luckily I adjusted pretty quickly, and don’t feel that way at all anymore.
Where do you see your blog going?
I have no end goal with this blog. Having it to write down and share my thoughts really makes me happy. It’s kind of like my own, very public diary. I know that a lot of moms can relate when I say that when you become a mom, you lose a lot of your personal identity. Your main priority is no longer yourself, and that can cause you to lose a little bit of who you are. Having this blog gives me something to focus on that’s 100% my own. It’s my creative outlet, and I love it.
That being said, I hope that one day my kids do enjoy reading the posts, looking at the pictures, etc. I know once they are all grown up, I will be happy that I kept these little records throughout their childhood.
